


Honor To Us All

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Mulan (1998)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-21
Updated: 2008-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 03:45:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1629815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the moment Ping had arrived at the camp, he'd been different. Shang had never entertained much thought of love or lust either way, but with Ping it had been unexpected, to say the least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honor To Us All

**Author's Note:**

> A Yuletide treat that came across my screen early and that I just couldn't let go. Thanks to the Hippos on #yuletide and the fabulous MJules for beta.
> 
> Written for Ali Wildgoose

 

 

The one thing he was not, was surprised. The boy's - no _her_ \- eyes wide as the full moon staring up at him, no excuse coming from those treacherous lips until she was dragged into the harsh light like some kind of harlot. Surprise was not among the many feelings in his chest, about to burst from him in an undignified mess.

He should be relieved, but the anger growing inside him burned with a fire so hot, it turned everything else to ashes. She'd lied to him. He'd begun to trust Ping with more than just his life - he'd been this close to...

This close.

He'd wanted.

But no. It had all been a lie.

From the moment Ping had arrived at the camp, he'd been different. Shang had never entertained much thought of love or lust either way, but with Ping it had been unexpected, to say the least. He'd wormed himself under Shang's defenses. And the feeling hadn't been unwelcome. Not at all.

He should have known the moment when he was more amused than disgusted with Ping's confused mumblings, though of course as Captain he'd still punished him for destroying the camp. On his first day, no less. That proved some dedication.

And then, to start a trend, Ping surprised him. Son of Fa Zhou, one of the great war heroes of the empire. He'd been a puzzle, something Shang could worry at to distract himself from the looming war. Ping occupied more than his share of Shang's mind as early as day one, and Shang... Shang liked it.

Ping was the worst of the recruits, small and clumsy, with no understanding of the military mindset. Shang wavered over him for hours until he decided to send him home. If that meant that Ping would be safe from harm, than that was merely a coincidence, and still, looking at the disappointment in his eyes, Shang almost didn't do it. Ping had already made himself at home in Shang's heart, without pause or permission.

Ping was also the recruit that ultimately made the most progress. In the light of who he turned out to be, it made sense. He was a blank slate and Shang made the best use of him. Not a model soldier, but a damn good one. A guy that Shang would want at his back, or standing shoulder to shoulder against the enemy.

Until it all went to hell.

He carried Ping to the medic's tent and it felt right. Ping in his arms. Ping close to his heart. Still breathing. That was all that mattered. He wanted to tell him then, but Ping had gone still and very pale. Shang hurried his steps until he was almost running. His men only a step behind. They, too, had grown fond of Ping, though perhaps not quite as fond as their Captain.

The wait brought all his fears to the surface, so many things that stood between them. Two men would not make a family and he had no interest in trophy wives. It would be difficult, perhaps mean as much as exile, and yet. Ping. The name beat like the sound of a drum in his head. Ping. Ping. Ping.

Mulan.

But that came later. First, the voice of the medic, a kind old man who would not see a girl suffer if it was avoidable, telling him in confidence that there was a problem. Shang crashed into the tent anyway, his anger vibrating at the back of his mind.

Ping looked so happy to see him.

Then.

Proof.

A whole new set of complications and Shang suddenly felt grief so potent it threatened to drown him, because a good friend, a beloved, had just died, and this woman had taken his place. She'd killed Ping simply by being Ping, and his rage turned every color into grey.

Mulan.

He wanted to kill her. He wanted to erase her from existence. But her eyes were the same, not begging for life, but for understanding. Her eyes were Ping's eyes and as she closed them, her resignation was Ping's and it hurt every fiber of Shang's being.

He gave her life.

That was all he could bear. The image of her - of Ping - kneeling in defeat burned itself into Shang's mind.

It should have ended there. Grief upon grief, Shang would have learned to overcome Ping's death and Mulan's betrayal. He would have become a general who did not dare get too close to his men, an aloof leader who would risk his men in battle as if they were pawns. He would have had a long, lonely life, but a proper one that didn't hover between two impossible people.

The boy who wasn't much of a boy. The girl who wasn't much of a girl.

Ping and Mulan.

She would not stay away. Bursting into his life again when the wound was still fresh, asking him for help not for herself, but for the country they both served. There was anger in her, too. She'd lost something up in the mountains. Ping had lost something.

Her eyes were Ping's.

But the spirit was all Mulan. Perhaps it had always been that.

When she saved the emperor he couldn't tell the difference any more. Where did Ping end and Mulan begin? Which one was the mask?

Shan Yu recognized them both in her and did not bat an eye. It made something fierce curl in Shang's chest to see her - them - threatened by the man who killed his father, who would destroy China and kill the emperor and enjoy it.

Did it matter that she was not the man he'd fallen in love with, when all the important things were still there?

Would he let that stand in his way?

Was he that kind of coward?

Upon the wise words from the emperor, Shang raced after her with abandon. If she never turned out to be the kind of woman a Captain of the Guard should marry, if she stood by his side in battle, if he called her Ping sometimes and she smiled at him with the same grin Ping had shown him after retrieving the arrow from the pillar - then what was so bad about that?

 


End file.
